Our Indian-American Marriage
Aug 19, 2025
www.CrossCulturalVoices.org
Danica White: Yeah, I actually took my first overseas journey to India to meet Jerrinā€™s family.
Jerrin Job: She has been very positive about meeting all the extended family, and I think when you have a new bride in the family, everybody wants to meet you also. So you know, everybody was excited to meet her.
So after marriage, when we went to India, we had to hit so many different houses in one day. So it was almost like four to five houses, four to five different families. You meet and then you come out. So she met a lot of people when she went to India. I'm sure she was very overwhelmed by meeting, but that's the kind of, that's what I am used to growing up. You know when you go to where your grandparents live, everybody lives close by. So you have to hit everybody's house. Otherwise, they feel offended that you did not come see me.
Robin Karkafi: Hey everyone. Welcome to Cross-Cultural Voices. I'm Robin.
John Yoder: Hey, John here.
Maria Makhnach: And Maria.
Robin Karkafi: It has been really fun for me to be here, especially having heard Maria's story and Joel and Claire's journey before that. And one thing that really stood out to me is the amount of things I can relate to and learn from their stories and experiences.
John Yoder: I know you get up really early on Sundays.
Robin Karkafi: I do, yeah.
Maria Makhnach: How early are you up?
Robin Karkafi: I have to be at the church by four.
Maria Makhnach: Yikes. How far to drive from at your house to your church?
Robin Karkafi: Oh, it's a five minute drive. It's a big church and so it is a lot of stuff to get ready for our teams, and we have lots of volunteers.
John Yoder: Which means that probably your church has a lot of coffee and donuts.
Robin Karkafi: Ugh, too many, lots of coffee too.
Maria Makhnach: Is it good coffee?
Robin Karkafi: No, it tastes like battery acid. And I bring my own coffee. I'll leave the church at six when Starbucks opens, grab Starbucks and then go back in. I can't drink that stuff.
Maria Makhnach: I've been trying to cut out coffee for the past two years. Still haven't done it.
Robin Karkafi: John, what do we have for today?
John Yoder: Yeah, so today we've got a wonderful couple. Their names are Jerrin and Danica. Jerrin was born in India, got his bachelor's degree there, came here to the US for his master's. And of the eight people that we're interviewing in this series Danica is the only white American.
So we've got quite a bit of diversity, and we will hear the story of their dating and marriage and married life today. They met and they dated in America, but his parents were in India. And before they could make a decision to get engaged, she had to meet the parents. And that was a fascinating story. Let's listen into part one of their interview right now.
Danica White: Yeah, so I was born and raised in Minnesota, in the suburb of Maplewood. And my mom was from a different suburb in Minnesota. My dad grew up in Michigan, and he really loves spending time in the woods. So we spend a lot of vacation time as a family doing camping and hiking and spending time in nature. So I feel like that really shaped who I am today.
I grew up in a Baptist church. They're now Converge Worldwide, so the church is just right down the street and yeah, grew up there. After I went to college (I went to Northwestern), learned a lot about the more intellectual side of Christianity there, and then afterwards started attending Stadium Village Church, where I found people who were really on fire with God. And just I don't know, being with different groups of Christians really shaped how I view God.
Jerrin Job: I grew up in India. I grew up in a state called Kerala, which is the southernmost part of India, and then my family moved to Pune, which is a city in the state of Maharashtra. So I spent pretty much most of my life in Pune. My schooling was in Pune, and pretty much till my college life was spent in Pune.
After that, I worked for a year in there, and then I came to the US for my master's. And since then I've been in Minnesota. I'm working for a company, and I'm working from home for that company for the past three and a half years or so. Yeah that's about me.
I have one brother and one sister, both are younger to me. My brother is in Texas right now and my sister is back in India. She's doing her masters. And yeah, growing up for me, I think being in India, it's a very communal culture over there. Everybody, it just belongs to everybody else almost. There was a lot of having a very big family. If you ask my dad what his family is, he would probably say all his siblings and their kids and his parents. So all of us are just one family.
So that's how, that's this spirit of family that I grew up in, in India, and that's something that I really liked growing up. Having, knowing so many people and knowing that so many people are there for you.
John Yoder: Do you see between Western families and like a lot of global families, that difference of who, how many people are part of your family?
Maria Makhnach: A hundred percent. It's there's pros and cons to both. I think when you grow up in that collectivism type of mindset, you are supposed to think about, there's a lot of people to think about and how your life impacts all these people and your every action that you do, your next step can impact this other person.
That sometimes can be a lot of pressure to deal with and a huge responsibility to carry. 'cause at the end of the day, you can't please everybody, so you can fall into the pleasing mentality of trying to please everybody. But then you really forget are you living for them, or are you living for what your heart desires? So it's a fine balance between figuring out and balancing what you want, but also so that it's not detrimental or harming to the people around you.
John Yoder: Let's listen to the second part of their interview.
Danica White: We dated for exactly two years to the day.
Jerrin Job: Yeah, we got engaged on the second year of the dating anniversary or whatever, however you would want to call it. That is when we got engaged. So yeah, it was quite a long dating period, I would say, for typical Americans. She also felt that it was very long, but it was mainly because I did want to make sure that my parents are okay with us moving forward with this choice.
It's a little different from American culture where you might not, want to get permission of your parents before marrying. But I did want to make sure that she's a good fit, not just for me, but also for my parents. And then, I wanted to move forward, so I wanted to make sure that there was time to, for me to know her and then for me to get, invite her to India and then, be with my parents or live with my parents for a couple of days. And then once, all of that happened, that's when yeah, we got engaged.
Danica White: Yeah, I actually took my first overseas journey to India to meet Jerrin's family. So he actually went for a longer period of time. He went for six weeks, but I wasn't able to go for that long just because of my job. So I went by myself to India to meet him and his family, and definitely had an amazing experience, learned a lot about culture and about traveling by yourself.
I actually lost my check bag. So I brought a check bag and a carry on, and I flew into Mumbai, and Jerrin and his parents like had driven up to meet me there. And so I get off the plane, and I'm like checking my phone with the bag tag, and they're saying that my bag is still in London, which is where the plane had some kind of stop over.
And so after interacting with a lot of airline folks, they said that the bag would come like in a couple days. It would come to the house. So then I was like going around at these different stores, which are like very different from stores in the US, like very crowded and stuff, and like buying some new clothes. And it was definitely an interesting time.
Jerrin Job: She was very shocked by the number of people inside the store for sure. And also the level of attentiveness that the owner or the person behind the counter gives you when you are trying to purchase any product. Especially stuff like clothes. Because in the US, it's you get your own clothes and then go to the checkout counter and then check out.
But then here they are with you throughout the whole time, from the time you step inside the store to help you make the decision of what you want to buy. So that was definitely an experience for her buying clothes in India.
John Yoder: I've been to India seven times. Love it. It's not like America. It has eight times America's population density. So it's half the size of America with four times as many people. So imagine your house, your hotel room, your restaurant, your taxi, multiply the number of people in that by eight and you got India. Never mind the cows on the street, and a few other things. So it's slightly different. Danica is an amazingly brave young lady to do what she did by herself.
Maria Makhnach: I like the fact that she decided to travel by herself. Like I said, I think if I was in her shoes, I don't know if I would've done it, to be honest with you. 'cause it's like you just feel like you're very vulnerable. You don't know the language, you don't know the culture you're going in. There's so many people you don't know how you're supposed to interact, what you're supposed to say, what you're not supposed to say.
I'm sure she was familiar with certain things, but then even then, it's like you walk in, the food is different. It's very, food is different, time is different. The way people interact is different. Like it's definitely an uncomfortable place. And clearly she really cared for her future fiance.
Robin Karkafi: No, by the sounds of it she, it sounded like she enjoyed her time there. I'm sure she clung close to Jerrin being one of the few people that she knew there.
But I'd be in interested to just get in her state of mind and what was it like praying or even talking to God at that time? Just trusting him that, am I doing the right thing? 'Cause yeah, culture shock.
You'd want to meet the parents face-to-face in, in that culture for sure. But I know a few people that would be comfortable in making some that level of commitment, just going out there, putting themselves out there.
John Yoder: Let's hear the next part of the story. This goes on during her time in India.
Jerrin, you've described this communal family. You grew up with this large extended family. And Danica, you have siblings, you understand family, but is there a different feel between your two families of, how much you engage with the extended family?
Danica White: I would say definitely, like I would go visit my cousins during the summer vacations and stuff like that. But having met Jerrin's family, I do feel like they're a lot more together with the extended family as well, versus my family. It's each little group does their own thing and then interacts with the other families, at special occasions, weddings, funerals, holidays, things like that.
Jerrin Job: She's been very positive about meeting all the extended family. Also, I think when you have a new bride in the family, everybody wants to meet you. Everybody was excited to meet her. So when, after marriage, we went to India, we had to hit so many different houses in one day. So it was almost like four to five houses, four to five different families. You meet and then you come out.
So she met a lot of people when she went to India. I'm sure she was very overwhelmed by meeting, but that's the kind of, that's what I am used to growing up. When you go to where your grandparents live, everybody lives close by. So you have to go to everybody's house. Otherwise they feel offended that you do not come see me.
Maria Makhnach: My first thought is, presence is super important. Presence versus tradition or check-in. There's a huge difference basically from what he's describing, it's if you don't come and say hi, like that's offensive, that means that people value even, you're not just present for your immediate family, but also you're actually present to your extended family.
You come, you sit down, you talk. You don't just come in Oh, hi, and you just leave. There's no agenda, probably. There's no timeline. That you're like on a go-go. It's okay, we're gonna come here, we're gonna see what happens, and then we're gonna hit the next house. So if your visit extends to 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM well, it is what it is.
John Yoder: When I was in Beijing, we had a young couple that married, and from the Chinese perspective, they were both foreigners. The husband was an American and the wife was from Indonesia, and very nice young couple. They were both part of our international church, and they were married for about three months.
They had an apartment in Beijing. Her aunt got sick, and she just said, I'm going back to Indonesia to take care of my aunt. And her husband was like, Wait a minute. I'm your husband. We just got married. We are building a life together. And you're going to Indonesia for several weeks to take care of your aunt?
And she said, Of course I am. And should one of your family members get sick, I would expect you to leave me in Indonesia or Beijing and go to take care of your family. Now, as an American, he wouldn't think like that. If there's no one to take care, his family would go to the hospital, go to the nursing home. It was an unwritten expectation.
It was something that they had never dialogued about. From his Western perspective, your marriage is first. Your parents are second, and there will be third party strangers to take care of them. Whereas her global perspective is your parents are forever, your kids are forever, and your spouse is a little bit more disposable, which is an eyeopener for Westerners.
Robin Karkafi: I have a lot of Indonesian friends and they are very loyal to their family and their country. And two of my buddies have dated North American white girls, but every time they've backed out, and actually right now they're in Indonesia because they just really feel and believe, that's their home. That's where they belong.
And I find that I kinda understand where she's coming from with the story you shared. But at the same time, like for us like at least in Lebanese culture, wife and husband, they come first. But at the same time, we do take care of our elderly because they raised us properly, because they're the ones that took care of us and cared for us.
That isn't North American culture. There's a bit more, I'm gonna take care of the kids, build a retirement plan, and have myself taken care of and potentially leave my kids with an inheritance.
But I find that just, at least from my culture, parents work and they all sometimes retire early because their kids start taking care of them ahead of time financially and the rest.
Definitely a difference there. So it'd be, I'm curious to see how they've managed to, nail that down. I'm sure they come from two different cultures.
John Yoder: And I've even found that the global church emphasizes different parts of the Word of God. Western cultures would prioritize the passage that says, A man will leave father and mother and be joined to his wife and they will become one flesh. Global cultures would emphasize the passage that says, Honor your father and mother.
It's not either/or. It's a matter of emphasis. And Westerners emphasize that nuclear family and independence, and global families emphasize a continuing honor of parents regardless of how old you are.
Let's listen to part four of their story. They're married now and this is about their early marriage life together.
So let me ask each of you this question. What was the biggest surprise after you got married? You two knew each other quite well but we'll start with you Danica. What was the one thing after getting married that you never saw coming?
Danica White: I would say there wasn't honestly a lot that I like wasn't really expecting, but there's been some really nice blessings, I would say. I feel so much more rested, like it's just so nice to come home to your spouse, after working a long day and you just come home. It's just so much nicer than, versus if you're dating, you like spend time with the person that you're with, but then you have to go home.
And so I just feel like I was much better rested after marriage, which I, it wasn't something that I was expecting.
Jerrin Job: So I think for me, the biggest surprise was to learn how much Danica loves cooking. I think I was very surprised. I thought she would not be very much into cooking, but I think she really loves to cook, not just American food, but also Indian foods.
Sometimes that's also a complaint. I would say that I don't get to go out as often because she loves cooking so much and she prefers that we eat at home. So that's definitely something that I learned after the marriage.
John Yoder: That's amazing. How hard was it to learn to cook Indian food?
Danica White: I don't think it was terribly hard, at least at first I was like a little bit confused, but, and especially if you just look at online recipes, it's like they make it way too complicated. But yeah, Jerrin taught me some, and his mom taught me some recipes. And then I just experimented a little bit on my own as well, so that's nice.
Maria Makhnach: They sound happy. I think the one thing the one thing from a cultural perspective, the wise thing she did was to have the mother-in-law teach her how to make some of the Indian food. It's a way to build a relationship with the mom, and also a way of loving your husband. 'Cause ultimately she's the one that raised him.
So it's like she knows what dishes he likes and so on and so forth. And ultimately there's a phrase in Russian, I don't know how true it is, but it's like, A road to a man's heart lies through his stomach. I mean, she nailed it.
Robin Karkafi: Totally agree. Like it's nice that she also prefers to cook than to eat out. I feel like spending time together strengthens their relationship. But also her willingness to adopt both cultures and cook Indian food.
John Yoder: Yeah. Have either of you learned how to cook the food of another culture?
Maria Makhnach: No. Not yet.
John Yoder: How about you, Robin? What did you learn?
Robin Karkafi: I found that a lot of Polish food is very similar to Lebanese food. One of them being stuffed grape leaves and stuff like that. So I went to my friend Dominique, his mom telling me a few recipes, and it's just great.
Every time I make a friend with a different culture, a great activity that we like to do is, let's teach each other like something that, a recipe that's from our cultures.
John Yoder: Next time we'll hear the second half of the interview with Jerrin and Danica. And we will have an absolutely fascinating discussion of Roman Catholicism, Protestantism, and exactly what it means to be a Christian. We'll talk to you then.
