How Jesus Meets Rejection
Cross-Cultural Voices December 16, 2025
Maisee Vang: Hi everyone. Welcome to Cross-Cultural Voices. My name is Maisee.
John Yoder: I'm John.
Robin Karkafi: And I'm Robin.
John Yoder: Good to see you all again, and we're also grateful to welcome back Maisee's husband Teu into this discussion.
Last time the four of us had a really strong conversation about shame, but today we want to talk about rejection and what that feels like in the Christian community.
Many second gen are told by their families, schools, churches, that they're disappointments because they aren't as successful as you want in education or career. They're not married yet. They don't have kids yet. They're not winning enough honor for their family. Tell me a little bit about how multiethnic, young adults experience shame because they feel like they're not measuring up to expectations.
Maisee Vang: Yeah. I think, in my opinion, from what I've seen is that at least within the church, I feel like the biggest thing is always, if we're not going to the same church as our parents, in a way, at least in the Hmong culture, it's almost like we're not honoring our parents.
And I believe that as parents, it is always in our desire to keep our children close to us so that we know that they're doing well and they are seeking God. But at the same time, I think that sometimes it gets to an extent where maybe it could be unintentional shame, where if you are not going to the same church as your parents, then you become a disappointment for your parents.
Or maybe you're the person who doesn't go to church at all and you continue to hear your parents say, you gotta go to church every Sunday. You gotta get up and gotta go. And it's just this voice that you hear from your parents every Sunday and you're like, you're just a disappointment, but you're struggling deep inside.
And I think that the point where it becomes shame is like, for example, if I see like parents go to church need to vent, we need an outlet to express how we feel. Because, you're just like, I wish my children will be this way, that way, I wish my children would go to church. I wish they would be serving in a ministry. I wish they were married. I wish they had this type of career. They don't like that.
In most cases they don't like that we go into creative career paths, because that's not a normal career path for most people. You don't hear a lot of people saying, oh, I'm gonna become an artist. I'm gonna become a worship pastor or something that is not of the norm. And we know that there would be hardship there. When we don't meet those expectations it does carry a heavy weight within the younger adults and making us feel like we're a big disappointment.
John Yoder: What do you say to that young adult who feels inadequate or rejected because they didn't become a doctor, they didn't get married yet they don't have kids, they don't have a big income and they're made to feel second rate?
Maisee Vang: I think my response would be, there's a part of honoring and respecting our parents. Like the word of God does say we are to honor our parents. But I believe that there is also a fine line there of how we are to honor our parents.
But I believe that if we first seek God, right? If we first seek God, then the only person that we should be pleasing is God and no one else. And so in God, even though you may feel like you're a failure, even though your parents may make you feel like you're a failure, God says you're not a failure. God says you were made for more.
And so I would say to that person, pray and ask that the Holy Spirit reveals to you your calling so that you can live your life worthy of your calling.
Teu Hawj: Disappointments and shame that I've experienced at church is your age. When I was on the elder board, there was a man who carried himself well, who was hungry for Christ, who was a man of God, but his age played a factor. He wasn't married, so I guess he didn't meet all the criteria, but when I was on the board, I was fighting for this man because I had felt like he would be a good leader to this church as a second generation. And he was silently put to shame because of his age, and due to him not being married. He felt disappointed. He did act, in fact, kinda he felt shame, and, but the good thing about that is by God's grace, a few years later the board had actually reconsidered and brought this man on board.
Yeah, that, that was my experience in terms of disappointments and shame in church.
Maisee Vang: If you have parents who really understand that serving or at least following God fully and wholeheartedly, whatever you're doing, if you're a doctor, if you're a worship pastor, it really doesn't matter. That's the important portion. That's the important focus in life.
And you take that and apply it to your kids and encourage them to live honorably, live for Christ live on mission, wherever they are. Because serving Christ doesn't necessarily mean within the context of a church. It really could be anywhere and everywhere. And so as kids seek out or at least learn how to seek out God's will, 'cause they don't have, they don't know how to really all these things, I think the parents and the church should come alongside them and teach them how to properly pray and be in the word and seek out God through prayer and what his will is for them.
John Yoder: This is a really great conversation, and you all have some great ideas about how young people today face rejection. It might be hard for us to understand this, but even Jesus faced rejection and right now, Maisee, you have a short lesson for us on that subject. So please tell us what was it like for Jesus to experience rejection, and how did he respond to it?
Maisee Vang: Rejection is very painful. It can come from anyone, but it hits hardest when it comes from our closest friends and family members. Their words have a way of working themselves down to the deaths of our souls, where they can leave lasting wounds.
Maybe you've dreamed of becoming an artist, a singer, or an athlete, but instead of being supported, the people closest to you poured cold water on you. “You'll never make it.” “Be realistic.” Over time, those rejections make you lose your confidence until you eventually stop trying. And because rejection stopped you before you even got started, no one, not even you, will ever know what you might have achieved.
For Christians who come from non-Christians households, rejection can feel deeply personal. You might be really excited to share your testimony, how God transformed you from the inside out. You'll hope you'll receive some kind of positive response. Instead, they look at you with disbelief or maybe just with boredom.
This kind of rejection can happen in church as well. People who believe in the power of God may have trouble seeing it at work in you.
And believe it or not, Jesus understands what it feels like to be rejected, especially by his own people. You see early in his ministry, he preached the gospel of the Kingdom, healed the sick, called his twelve disciples, and many followed. Without a doubt, he became a popular traveling evangelist. His popularity grew and grew.
Until he went home.
In Matthew 13, Jesus returned to his hometown of Nazareth. His reception there was colder than he had experienced anywhere else. In fact, it was outright rejection. Here's the story from Matthew 13:54-58:
“Coming to his hometown, he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished and said, ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? Isn't he the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother Mary? Aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas, and aren't his sisters with us? Where did this man get all these things?’”
These people had known Jesus since his childhood. Some of them may have even changed his diapers! They could not comprehend how a little boy could grow up to do such miracles. And this is why Jesus responded, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and in his own household.” Matthew says that because of their unbelief, Jesus did very few miracles there.
Some people spend their entire lives trying to win the approval of those who will never give it. It might be a father or mother who is unable to see their children's giftedness. It might be a former spouse or a lover whose affection has turned to rejection. Either way, the pain runs deep.
Jesus did not spend a lot of time trying to win the approval of the Nazareth people. He demonstrated a healthier path. He left town to continue preaching the good news, but he didn't cut off his family. He continued loving them no matter what, but he also didn't waste years begging for approval from people determined not to give it. He found his supportive community somewhere else.
Here's what it might look like for you: Let your actions speak louder than your words. Yes, honor your parents. Show up at family dinners. Lend a helping hand when asked. Respect your heritage. All of that matters. But stop performing for their approval. Stop trying to make your conservative uncle understand your career choices. Stop hoping your mom will finally see you the way you want to be seen instead. Invest your emotional energy where it's appreciated. Find emotionally and spiritually healthy people who affirm you for who you are, and can gently point you back to God when you need it.
More importantly, be like Jesus by seeking your ultimate approval in God. Jesus knows what it feels like to be rejected, but he didn't lose hope, because his hope was rooted in the Father. When rejection tries to discourage you, return to the God who never rejects his children. Seek your belonging and identity in him and like Jesus. Don't respond to those who reject you with hatred, but with the love and forgiveness God has given us.
John Yoder: Wow. Those are such powerful words. And they are so hard to do, because the church is one of the places where often we face rejection. I remember as a young adult, I became a Christian at the age of 13, and when I was in my early twenties, the greatest rejection I received was from my own mother.
She had standards of music and clothing and what you could and couldn't do on Sunday that I couldn't measure up to. And in fact, she actually believed that there were only a small handful of people around the world who were truly Christians. So it wasn't just that I couldn't earn her approval. It was almost no one could earn her approval.
And what I had to do is find other Christians that I respected, whose voices I trusted. And I had to build some of my self-worth on what they said. Unfortunately, it meant that I had to stop looking for affirmation and approval from my mothe,r because she wasn't able to give it.
Maisee Vang: Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, I completely agree. And that is why, like what you said, find spiritually and emotionally healthy people too. But ultimately we seek our approval from God.
John Yoder: For many people, the primary rejection that they feel is not necessarily from the church, it's from God. There may be things in their past that indeed are sinful, that they feel rejected and inadequate. Or there may just be cultural things that because people who are Christians have rejected them, they may feel that God is a shaming and a rejecting God. What do you say to that person out there that says, God doesn't want me? God has rejected me.
Maisee Vang: I think I would say that, the word of God says that in Christ there is no condemnation in Christ, and for them to live in that truth that Jesus forgives, he gives grace. And he again, came to save the sinners, not the righteous. So every time we feel that we are not enough for God or we've disappointed him, for us to remember that God is a God of grace, he's a God of mercy. And that as long as we come back to him with a heart of repentance, he's always ready to take us back.
Robin Karkafi: The enemy tries to discourage you from pursuing God. And we build up these lies, these even for Christians some built from a young age, you are not rejected by Jesus. Just speaking that, allowing them to hear that he was rejected so you never have to be. He was for forsaken, so you could be welcomed.
There is there is a power to speaking the gospel truth over someone. And I feel like there's a work the Holy Spirit does in a person when you pray over them, you share the word of God with them. And then you help them separate the gospel from their experience with rejection.
John Yoder: What would it look like for a church or a small group within a church to become the kind of place that heals those who have been wounded by shame?
Robin Karkafi: I think it goes back to authenticity again. I feel like when you aim for authenticity, there are a few things that need to fall in place. I feel like humility comes first, right? Like leadership that acknowledges and confesses weakness in themselves and in those around them. And they just put themselves at the same level as others.
And potentially sharing testimonies that include those kinds of experiences that display God's power to restore. That's where people feel like, okay, listen, I'm not the odd one out. I'm not a black sheep. I'm just struggling like anyone else. In a bigger church setting, medium, bigger church, even small churches, it can be intimidating to actually speak up about your problems. And so this is where small groups come in, this is where nights or programs or events focused on failure or on issues that people deal with, and just having an environment that allows people to express themselves without feeling like they're being watched or judged.
And that takes a step that there's a risk, there's a step that needs to be taken on every person's part to ask for that kind of help. I feel interpersonal at a smaller scale, community-driven is a must. It's not just community, not just worship. I would say what heals shame is grace. And when people experience it again and again, that they're loved, and not for being good, but because they are a child of God in a Christian context or they are loved by Christ, then they're able to open up about deeper stuff.
Teu Hawj: Yeah. I just want to piggyback on what Robin said. I believe that it starts from the top down, right? From the senior pastor down to all the leaders. It has to be the whole church. First the senior pastor has to be able to receive everything, whether it be healing, whether it be able to ask all the tough questions, has to start from the top down.
I think Job 12:23 says it best: “He makes nations rise and then fall, builds up some and abandons others”. And this just goes to show that churches rise and fall based on the leaders from the top down. And to be able to cultivate a church where ministry to where people could find healing and be able to ask the tough questions and to be able to build relationships. I think that's what is needed at this time.
John Yoder: Teu, those are some great thoughts. I'm so glad we've had you with us for these two conversations. Next time, we are going to finish this conversation with Teu and others as we discuss how God deals with doubts in the hearts of his people. We'll see you then.
